it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
