fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
