I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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