She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
