Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
