About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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