I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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