Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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