I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
