So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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