Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
