I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
