I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
