The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
