dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
