I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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