check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
