Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
