eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
