You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
