Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
