I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
COCAINE IS GR8
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
