I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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