it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
