i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
