Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize