The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need a beard to bite.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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