I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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