ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So squirting runs in the family.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
