Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize