I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
