You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
