At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
