Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize