I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize