Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
