I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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