Where is the hickey?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
