Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
