every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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