i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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