i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
