I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
