none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
