Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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