I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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