I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize