the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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