it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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