I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
