Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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