You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
