Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
