just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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