Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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