And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
