return my video game
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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