There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
