So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
