bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i barfeds in our rink
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize