It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
