after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
