I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
