hotel room ftw
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
