As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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