Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
