Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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