i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
