Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
